This is The Baby stealing Nate's ball.
And then wap-wap-wapping him on the head because
she just loves him too, too much.
I know the feeling. Teeth clenched. Heart, hammering away.
"You're so cute, I could just bite your ear." I have that feeling with all my kids.
Nate puts up with a lot.
This past week, I've had a heaviness that has settled on my chest and occasionally slides to the pit of my stomach. Someday, I'm going to have to blog about it all, but right now, it's hard to hear the words in my own voice, right out loud. I'm choosing gratitude...forgivness...grace...hope...the lovelier bits of life.
And when I am feeling completely smothered and smashed by the heaviness, I take Nate for a walk and we talk about it. Mostly, I do the talking and he does the smelling. He is a very intuitive therapist and reasonably priced.
We walk a three mile loop through the neighborhood, around ponds, down paths, and past houses with dogs that bark, longingly behind fences at the sight of us. I sometimes wish there were fewer pedestrians to pitty my blatant mental instability as I discuss the week's goings on with my dog, but there is plenty of goose poop for rolling in and bunnies to imagine chasing. It works for both of us I think, however I have yet to master the rolling in goose poop. Nate doesn't mind. More for him.
He pulls me along at a good clip, eager to get to the next clump of Blood Grass and decipher who's been by, today. He keeps my heart pumping and my feet moving when I want to sit on the closest bench and mope for a bit.
I've noted that somewhere around 2 1/2 miles my head feels clearer, my chest is lighter and heaving with the freedom of breath that reaches all the way to the bottom of my lungs, my grip on Nate's leash is firm but no longer agressive, the muscles in my jaw are more relaxed and forgiving, my pace is hopeful, and my view of the world is benefiting from all of those things: clarity, light, freedom, strength, forgivness, hope.
There is only so much heartache one person can bear. Eventually, it will make its way to the surface. Heartache can turn to anger, anger to bitterness, and bitterness will send its tentacly roots through the very heart of a person and change the way they see things, which will change the way they are seen.
I am thankful for the little role Nate so willingly plays in helping me find my way to the lovelier bits.
I encourage you to take your lovelier bits for a walk, today.